I was a skinny little thing until about the age of 9. Before then I don't really remember any issues with food. I ate what was given to me , I know I was allowed snacks and sweets. I was skinny, so there was no issue (besides rotting teeth).
At 9 years old I started getting chubby and developed little boobie "buds". I was living with my mamaw at the time and my older cousin Tammy was renting a room from her. She insisted to my mamaw that I get a bra and wear it to school. Being "frugal" my mamaw picked up the first thing she found at a yard sale and sent me on my way. That was the first time I remember feeling uncomfortable with my body. It was so tight that it left marks. I would rip it off after a long day of school, plop down in front of the tv and stuff myself with soft batch cookies while watching reruns of "The Monkees".
Eating just made everything better. The feeling of a full tummy gave me the warm and fuzzies. I didnt think so much about missing my mom since the divorce, and not getting to see my brother and sister. I didnt focus on the fact that my dad was a crazy alcoholic, or how much it sucked having to live with an old lady and a wannabe yuppie.
Instead I fell into the routine of stuffing myself with that afterschool "snack", then counting the minutes until dinner, which usually consisted of a butter drenched grilled cheese sandwhich, or greasy fried chicken.
I can remember once my aunt Polly came to visit (the yuppie's mom). She told me to hold out my hand and straighten out my fingers.When I did she pointed out the dimples on my knuckles and stated " That means you are going to be fat when you grow up " I remember just looking up at her and thinking " You mean fat, like you ? " I wish I would have had the gall to say, but instead I said nothing. I'd say it to her fat face now..stupid B.
From then on being fat was always on my mind, but not enough to keep me from gorging myself on a daily basis. No, that would'nt happen until the harsh world of middle school.
